26 April 2007

I had my class with the new teacher today. How do I put this...sigh. I just miss B so very much! My practice really.. really...really... sucked today. I had practically no bandhas, no floaty jumps anywhere, Supta K down the drain, couldn't stand up from my backbends...well basically everything sucked.

I guess its a combination of a change from our usual room, change of teacher, change of adjustments, skipped practice because of my cold and the monkey mind running around in circles thinking of all the differences. I did get asked to do setu bandhasana though..officially and definitively my last primary series pose. D made sure I actually DID the pose...he did support my lower back though so that I'd not put too much pressure on the neck. So thats about the only consolation.

And adding insult to injury D asked me if I'd ever done Supta K before! Sob sob sob. Kurmasana was fine, but usually I take a few breaths to bring my feet together in front of my head and try my usually unsuccessful attempts at crossing the feet. At this point B will usually come over to externally rotate my legs a bit because my rotation sucks big time. After that I can usually get the feet to at least touch, before he pulls it over my head and crosses it behind my head. Today, D asked me to cross my feet immediately after kurmasana and I felt like I was stuck in cement and couldn't move. I also usually bind my hands first, but D doesn't seem to do it that way. D's adjustments are very light for this pose...(surprising because his other adjustments are pretty strong). It's just not enough for me and I think he gave up and just pulled me up into tithibasana.

After that he asked me if I'd ever done Supta K before and I felt really bad...When I told him B has to put me into it, he asked me to try a dwi pada entry instead, which to me is next to impossible. Also he said the pose may take me quite some time...as if I didn't know that..

And then backbends..apparently standing up from the floor first is not the usual practice. I had no idea. D says that people usually dropback first before standing up. Anyway to cut the story short I couldn't stand up. D had to pull me up like a tonne of bricks I think. I have no idea why I lost it.

So today was definitely humbling for me. On the other hand I just kept thinking of what B would have done in each pose for me and what my new teacher was not doing..Perhaps it just goes to show that I am really relying too much on my teacher to help me in poses. Thats why I have such a terrible time adjusting now.

Probably its a good thing for me that B is gone..if I think about it objectively (although I don't FEEL that it is). He's become such a big part my practice that I can't do it properly without him around. At home I always take lots of time, do lots of prep and basically am very lenient with myself. In class, I do things fully, with his help. I had always assumed that if with his help I can do it, I am alright. So..now its obviously not alright.

So..I am going to make a promise to myself. Keep practicing daily..but do the full primary series and do the poses as fully as I can. I hope that will help to resolve my problems..If I practice not relying on my teachers..and just do it on my own, I may probably not have all these similar episodes further down the track..