26 April 2007

I had my class with the new teacher today. How do I put this...sigh. I just miss B so very much! My practice really.. really...really... sucked today. I had practically no bandhas, no floaty jumps anywhere, Supta K down the drain, couldn't stand up from my backbends...well basically everything sucked.

I guess its a combination of a change from our usual room, change of teacher, change of adjustments, skipped practice because of my cold and the monkey mind running around in circles thinking of all the differences. I did get asked to do setu bandhasana though..officially and definitively my last primary series pose. D made sure I actually DID the pose...he did support my lower back though so that I'd not put too much pressure on the neck. So thats about the only consolation.

And adding insult to injury D asked me if I'd ever done Supta K before! Sob sob sob. Kurmasana was fine, but usually I take a few breaths to bring my feet together in front of my head and try my usually unsuccessful attempts at crossing the feet. At this point B will usually come over to externally rotate my legs a bit because my rotation sucks big time. After that I can usually get the feet to at least touch, before he pulls it over my head and crosses it behind my head. Today, D asked me to cross my feet immediately after kurmasana and I felt like I was stuck in cement and couldn't move. I also usually bind my hands first, but D doesn't seem to do it that way. D's adjustments are very light for this pose...(surprising because his other adjustments are pretty strong). It's just not enough for me and I think he gave up and just pulled me up into tithibasana.

After that he asked me if I'd ever done Supta K before and I felt really bad...When I told him B has to put me into it, he asked me to try a dwi pada entry instead, which to me is next to impossible. Also he said the pose may take me quite some time...as if I didn't know that..

And then backbends..apparently standing up from the floor first is not the usual practice. I had no idea. D says that people usually dropback first before standing up. Anyway to cut the story short I couldn't stand up. D had to pull me up like a tonne of bricks I think. I have no idea why I lost it.

So today was definitely humbling for me. On the other hand I just kept thinking of what B would have done in each pose for me and what my new teacher was not doing..Perhaps it just goes to show that I am really relying too much on my teacher to help me in poses. Thats why I have such a terrible time adjusting now.

Probably its a good thing for me that B is gone..if I think about it objectively (although I don't FEEL that it is). He's become such a big part my practice that I can't do it properly without him around. At home I always take lots of time, do lots of prep and basically am very lenient with myself. In class, I do things fully, with his help. I had always assumed that if with his help I can do it, I am alright. So..now its obviously not alright.

So..I am going to make a promise to myself. Keep practicing daily..but do the full primary series and do the poses as fully as I can. I hope that will help to resolve my problems..If I practice not relying on my teachers..and just do it on my own, I may probably not have all these similar episodes further down the track..

Too lazy again to think of a title...

I think I'd probably just date my posts next time instead of trying to think of a title...

I was at C's led class tonight. I don't usually go for her class, but now that B's gone, there are not that many teachers whose class I like. It was alright, at least it got me through most of primary and supta K as well. Tonight's Supta K was back to feet not binding;( I got them to touch, but couldn't get the feet over each other. No adjustment to help them get behind my head too..I don't know how long it would take for me to get them to bind securely, and how many years(?) its gonna take to have my hips loose enough to bind over my head.

I brought A with me to class, because she hasn't actually done most of the sequence before. She liked it and I'm thrilled. I hope she will become a dedicated ashtangi. My friends aren't into this yoga thing...and my partner, although he takes 2 yoga classes a week isn't anywhere interested in dedicating himself to the practice..although I do hope that changes..anyhow I think its unlikely he will pick it up with as much zeal as me. So its kinda hard to find people who will get excited over whether or not they bind Supta K or if they can drop back etc. I really wish I had more of an ashtanga community here..

I'm gonna make this post short..cos I got to write notes for my corporate yoga class tomorrow nite. Seems people want to have notes to remind them what they have done in class..and I got to get down to writing it...

Of teachers, shalas and Mysore..

So..my teacher has left. Too bad. I feel a little better knowing that D is taking over the class. I have tried D's adjustment's before and they are quite good. I like a firm adjustment from my teachers, especially mysore class. I've had some teacher's adjust me with a feather touch or a poke here and there, and they don't really work for me. I'm the type that likes to be wrestled into a pose..if I need it;)

Anyhow, I do feel a little sad knowing that my first real mysore teacher will no longer be around. I wish him the best from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for introducing me to the authentic practice of Ashtanga, your adjustments, tips and advice. And on your advice, I've taken it up 6 days a week..hahaha..more than the 4 days that you recommend! Too bad I did not manage to thank you properly before you left, but who knows..maybe one day you will come back to teach again! (My teacher probably would not read this..but anyhow I hope he gets the vibe;))

On to the practice..very so so practice. Like I said, for some unfortunate reason, B didn't manage to teach, so we had a substitute teacher. I guess since she didn't know my practice too well, she didn't adjust me in the poses I usually get adjusted in. So supta K..feet not pulled over the head, but more or less touching in front of head. Also I didn't get helped to stand up..so chicken me..didn't do it..shucks.

Handstands..jumped up and balanced for maybe 1 second before toppling over. Pincha was much better, I held it for a few breaths..yippee!

Overall...rather strange to be taught by someone else. I'm hoping D will be a good mysore teacher. I've been looking around for some workshops and teachers to go to. Like I said in my country, we don't get mysore classes. Its a real treat if some guest teachers like Mark Yeo comes along (although I didn't go for his classes while he was here..I'd just started mysore back then.) Hmm..by the way I noticed that his name is no longer on the Ashtanga teacher's directory..Whats up with that?

The nearest place would of course be Singapore or Thailand. Since I have accomodation in Singapore, and have worked there before, I may just take a few days to go down there to see what a real shala is like..

Am a long way off from actually making a trip to Mysore. I don't think it would be much very beneficial at the moment considering I'm still such a beginner in a way. But yes that thought has been on my mind..I think when I'm at least through to second series or so..I may start planning my trip.

Some other stuff to comment on...my Gym X classes have been doing very well. attendance is very good especially my hatha class. The Ashtanga class (very crim class) that I teach on Saturdays are alright, but the attendance defintely doesn't rival the hatha class. The thing with gym ashtanga is that there is just no way I can keep to the sequence in any authentic fashion. People drop in to class and get lost when I ask then to do Surya Namaskaras. So its turned into a flow class of sorts using the posture of primary series (and some second series backbends thrown in). I feel like asking management to let me teach a flow class instead..My hatha class is really a flow class too..but I like it very much cos I can get creative and do all sorts of flows of my own. Someone asked me to teach her private. I felt compelled to turn her down because of my inexperience with privates. Also I got offered 3 classes by a dance school, which I am still contemplating.

I did send the person who asked me to teach her Ashtanga (lets call her A) some notes from the ashtangainfo website. Thank god to Arjuna for being such a valuable resource. I also got notes from this site from my teacher when I started practicing. Actually my first taste of Ashtanga was at Gym X itself, when R from India taught there. Rare to have an Ashtangi from India, but he followed the sequence pretty closely. My next "teacher" of sorts was Richard Freeman (ok kidding..his VCDs I mean). And that was all I knew of Ashtanga before I started practicing at my current studio. I hope A picks up the practice. There really are too few people practicing this beautiful style here in my country..

Pigeon

Yay! I got my heels in kapotasana on my own;) very happy and unexpected. It was actually during a led hatha class and B had us warm up quite thoroughly with some padangustha dhanurasana, eka pada rajakapotasana, supta virasana etc.

It wasn't that hard actually.. usually my lower back (especially the right side) would have been screaming..cos I seem to have tweaked something on the right side months ago. But yesterday was very comfortable, so I just went ahead and pushed into kapotasana B from supta virasana. It really was way simpler than I had ever had it before..and walking hands in to grab the heels was not that dramatic. In fact I got my ankle on the left. Don't know how it happened either, I just moved my hands from foot to heel and it just hooked my ankle.

My face was between my feet, but was mushed up against the floor like the last time when I did it in S's class though. I am not sure if its allowed. There's no place that says I can't put the face on the floor..although I hav seen a few pics of people's kapotasana and it varies. S did say before I should try to open up my upper chest more. I reckon the reason I had my face plant was because I was bending too much in the lumbar as usual. I reckon his face is also mushed against the floor!

This is cool. But I really got to stick with my program with the primary series..haven't really done much primary past few days coz I'm a little sick and have mostly been taking things easy..

Poses (Criminal post not from sequence)

Standing poses:
Pavritta Baddha Ardha Chandrasana
Natarajasana
Ardha Chandrasana

Balance poses:
Bakasana
Parsva bakasana
Tithibhasana
Eka pada galavasana
Lolasana
Adho mukha vrksasana
Pincha mayurasana

Backbends
Rajakapotasana
Padangustha dhanurasana
Eka pada rajakapotasana
Laghu Vajrasana
Kapotasana
Dwi Pada Viparita Dandasana
Chakra Bandhasana

Sitting poses
Akarna dhanurasana
Eka pada shirshasana
Garbha pindasana
Baddha konasana
Supta kurmasana

Whats all this? Stuff I'd like to do properly...from the Yoga Journal Book..am very inspired by those beautiful pictures...and I'd like to work on these stuff...

Ramble..ramble...

Hmm..teacher still around till next week. Thats nice. My latest mysore class was not too significant. No "aha" moments or anything. My wrist is still aching from handstanding..oh yes..I balanced in handstand and pincha mayurasana...for about a few breaths. That was nice..more on it later.

My vinyasas have been pretty good lately. Jump throughs, lift back from uttanasana, downward dog to uttanasana are all doing pretty well. BUT haven't ever been able to jump back while sitting. I am not sure which part I need to work to get that. I can lift to tolasana without any problems..but swinging back from there to shoot the legs back is a major obstacle. I can swing back and then my feet will hit the floor and thats pretty much the end of the jump back. I've been diligently trying to work my core in everything..uth plutih, ardha dandasana, navasana etc. I can even recently lift my legs from dandasana off the floor. But lolasana is still not coming..only with blocks I can hold myself up and clear the floor. I guess in all things Ashtanga..the hard stuff are the ones I need to persevere with in order to get it. So I suppose when I can lolasana without the blocks, I may be able to jump back.

Bhujapidasana ..I can get my forehead on the floor and get the feet through, but can't get up. I wonder if this is related to my inability to do lolasana? I always end up falling back when I get up and sitting on my butt.

Supta Kurmasana and kurmasana has recently been decent. Relatively easy to get the feet together. Binding hands have never been much of a problem..I guess sitting in tarasana has helped out. I do hope that I can soon bind securely on my own..after all B won't be around for long to pull the legs behind my head.

Other than that I managed to NOT stand up from my dropbacks. Regression. Don't know why but B had to pull me up twice since I kinda lost it halfway up. I don't know why it happened..because standing up has been pretty consistent until now. Hmm..I do think it might have to do with the way I transfer my weight into the hands before I rock up. If I don't curve enough with the rocking motion towards my hands, the natural uncurling that I usually feel when standing up is not there...seems the deeper the curve, especially in my upper chest.. the easier to transfer the weight forward. I'm not sure..but I remember being rather rigid in the shoulders and upper chest in UD while trying to get up.

Hanstands..have been exciting, since I managed to balance for a few breaths. Yippee! B was telling me that I had plenty of strength in the shoulders and arms..but was working too hard most of the time. So I just chilled out..jumped up, straightened the legs..reach the feet up to wards the ceiling..and voila..my first real handstand;) Same thing with pincha mayurasana...I managed to catch the balance for a bit. I realised that the key was to keep reaching the feet up..as if I was squeezing my two legs into ONE leg. It really helps to balance.

Nothing else is new..there have been some changes in my professional life...which is gonna enable me to have more time to teach classes. Lately I have had quite a lot of opportunity to teach. Today someone asked to to teach her privately. And I was asked by a dance school to take their class..which I did today..the first class. Went well..but its a little too out of the way for me to travel to..so I might have to turn it down..we'll see.

Feeling lost already..

Sigh..my mysore teacher is leaving apparently. I'm feeling really sad to hear this news. I sort of knew he was going to go off soon but I didn't expect it till next month. I can't imagine how it would be like to not have him around tying me up into knots and goading me into asanas...

I guess this is a great opportunity for me to practice detachment...but its really not very easy to do. One more class only, and then I don't know if the studio is going to do away with mysore entirely or get someone else to teach.

I DO know my practice is mine..and I can always practice on my own. But its really not the same as when you have a teacher to touch base with and help get me into things. As it is I already only get to go for class once a week.

Feeling rather heavy hearted today..I've attended mysore for probably 7 months or so now. Its different from normal classes..like hatha etc. Its so much more personal in a way..like my personal journey in Ashtanga...And my teacher is so much a part of this so far that I am feeling a little lost already..and he's not even gone yet...

Mysore..

Some intersting developments in yesterday's mysore class. I seem to have gotten the knack of lifting back from uttanasana to chatturanga. I credit it to my recent exploration of half handstands at home...and perhaps additional hamstring flexibility..who knows. What I did do differently is that my hamstrings seems to have lengthened recently, allowing me to look up after uttanasana and still keep the palms flat on the floor and belly on the thighs. So shifting my weight into the arms and sweeping the legs back became much less of a jumpback and more of a lift back. Its so incredibly light..I'm so thrilled to be able to do it!

AND most significantly, I crossed my feet on my own for Supta K and bound the hands all by myself!! The problem was that I ended up putting my chin on the top of my foot. haha. B saw the drama and untangled me to lift the feet on top of my head. Like I said my hamstrings have miraculously lengthened lately and getting flat on the floor was relatively easy. I felt my stomach, chest and chin on the floor in kurmasana..and from there..it wasn't so hard to bring the feet together to bind. But because I WAS flat, I couldn't flex the spine to put the head down .B had to unravel my feet and let me curl the spine a bit to duck under the feet. but finally...Supta K...I actually can claim I more or less did it on my own.

Bhujapidasana was good by my standards, feet through the arms (although I had to touch the floor for split second there), head on the floor..and then..couldn't get up from there. Just got stuck. But i reckon its coming with practice.

Sooo...besides that I tweaked my wrist a bit from too much attempted handstand practice and went through the whole class with a wrist brace strapped on my right wrist.

Nothing else is new..I did play around with pincha mayurasana and handstands at the end of class because B is very lenient in terms of what inversions we want to try after headstand. B told me to just work on hang time with my legs folded in handstand to get used to balancing before straightening my legs. It was fun although I fell out of it mostly.

I gotto get some sleep now though...got to teach a class tomorrow morning..

New insights from home practice

Haven't been going for class. Been couped up at home due to some work stuff and other social obligations.. However I think the past few days, self practice taught me a whole bunch of stuff I never knew ...like:

1. To float in the surya namaskaras, hips need to lift wayyy up. I can't really manage it from uttanasana back to chatturanga, and just sort of slide my feet back, but jumping from downdog to uttanasana, just consciously lifting my hips just makes the landing sooo much lighter. I can sort of float on occasion, but the mechanics have always eluded me, kinda like a hit and miss kinda thing, but on a whim, in the past 2 days I have been working on jumping from downward dog into a half handstand. And it did unbelievable things to my surya namaskaras. I still can't float the legs up fully to balance in a handstand though. Felt like flipping. Dristi does help though. If I lift my head and look forward just when I have the hips up, it seems to stop the momentum and allows me to lightly land. I'm gonna try to work this more often in home practice.

2. Bhujapidasana. Hmm.. silly me. I never realised that I was supposed to squeeze the legs towards the midline around the arms. That one single action helped me lift the feet through much more easily. Before this, I squeeze my legs towards the back, but trust me, no more of this. I've spent probably 5-6 months doing it all wrong!!! I finally managed getting the feet through and head down..yeah!

3. To improve baddha konasana, wonderful prep is to bring the feet in right in the midline when doing pigeon, exactly where its supposed to be in baddha konasana and do each side. I did it just now and it opened my hips so much that I could tilt my head down without the usual pulling action using the arms when doing the full pose.

4. Tying legs together just on top of the knees in UD. Great at limiting any bends in the lower back and spreading the backbend higher into the chest, shoulders and upper back. I think I will bring the strap with me to mysore class and ask B if I can use it when I do my 3 backbends from the floor before standing up. No back pains in the past few days doing this.

5. Still not fully tested new insight. Spending lots of time in tarasana stretches everything that needs to stretch for me in supta kurmasana, especially the side of my thighs. I can feel the hamstrings (?) lengthening just by staying there for about 1 minute. Got to include more of this in home practice as well.

Nothing else to add. But am very glad to learn something new which I never really thought about that much. Its the beauty of practicing at home I guess. No teacher can teach me the those things no matter how good they are at teaching if my body doesn't quite get it..