Wow..I'm posting here...haha

Wow its been a long time since I last posted. And its been a while since a serious practice...BUT...

I did practice a little the past few weeks. About a quarter of what I used to do..but still..its something.

So lets see..my weight is fortunately back to pretty much normal;) YAY!
My practice however, is really way way off..but can be expected after months of layoff! Apparently I can still get my legs behind my head quite well..endurance is shot to pieces, can still jump through, can't jump back. Hamstrings very tight, but I guess nothing that can't be fixed with a few more practices. My backbends..now thats a completely different story, my psoas are unbelievably tight..which is something new to me, since backbending and front body openness has always been my forte..but thats taken a whole dimension backwards from not doing much yoga for months. Quads are super tight..can't really relate what I've done to get that...can't be the swimming I've been doing lately..?

Anyway..since I'm kinda back here..I'll update on my clawback journey into Ashtanga after the long layoff..it will be interesting to see how it will be this time around..;)

Taking a break

I've not posted an update for a while. Main;y because I'm taking a self imposed break from Ashtanga right now. Before I go into detail on this, I was in Singapore recently and went to see J. Had a decent primary series practice with him considering I've cut down my practice to maybe once a week. He told me my current lack of motivation was common, and that just like a relationship, once the first bloom is over, we got to work on it. He was extremely encouraging and wasn't a all surprised about my condition.

Anyway I didn't go into detail with him about why I was demotivated, but I'll come clean here. This might sound controversial but I believe all the daily practice has been aging me..and fast. I lost quite a fair bit of body fat the last 2 years, and being in my early thirties, I believe the body no longer loses fat where I want it to lose. I noticed that unlike in my youth, when the fat would go from the hips and butt and jawline, now I lose my bust, my cheeks and under the eyes.

The past few weeks after cutting down a lot on my practice, I look a little more healthy and less skin and bones, but I also notice the weight distribution is coming back a little differently than before...mostly going directly to the hips..and not much to other places.

So...because I have always been vain about my looks..I need to back off and see what I can do to restore myself. It might sound silly to other people..but this weight loss and aging is really getting to me..and before I can come back to the practice..I need to deal with it.

Getting back to Basics..

I've not updated my blog for a loonnnggg while. So here's the latest on what I'm up to practice wise.

I've recently lost some interest in making progress in my poses..I think its gotto do with not having a permanent teacher to go to, my wrist injury and general laziness. Nevertheless, I've still been practising..and my recent focus has been on getting a few things right.

I realised that most people who had a strong practice usually had a great chaturanga..something I can't quite claim to have. I've never really spent a lot of time analysing my chaturanga, until I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that unlike those people with the "strong" practice, I don't usually have that nice 90 degree angle with the arms. Now I've heard conflicting advice from my teachers...some said bring the chest close to the floor, don't bother bout the arms..some have said keep the elbows right above the wrists etc.


I've been spending lots of time doing that, and I think it now looks reasonably 90 degrees (my arms)..and I think its working my abs a lot more. I hope that this extra effort will help with my bandha building...The one thing that is very helpful for me when lowering down is to concentrate on pushing forward slightly with my toes. This article was extremely helpful...

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/208

Gong Hei Fatt Choi!

Happy Chinese New Year! This is my first post in year 2009 and the first in the year of the Ox. Wishing everyone good health, prosperity and happiness!!

Have been soo lazy with the blogging lately...I think its reflective of how lazy I've been with my practice as well.

The wrist has improved alot and I'm back to doing the usual arm balance and jumpback stuff. Definitely a whole lot weaker than before though..I can hardly do a jumpback without my feet dragging the floor anymore...but then I suppose I should just be thankful that I can still practice despite the wonky wrist.

No new poses, no progress and I think I've actually not done any second series poses since November when I had the wrist accident. I've also spent about 1.5 months not really doing chatturangas and updogs either to baby the left arm.(I put my knees down)

Anyway I suppose I can spend this post updating on all the stuff I've regressed on..but its kinda depressing, so I think I'll just say that I'm ready to get back into a more serious practice and hopefully get back into shape..

The only good thing thats happened recently is that I've managed to regain a good few pounds from not practising and also pigging out from all the year end parties and Chinese New Year visiting etc. That itself I'll bet contributes to harder jumpbacks..but hey, I guess I can't have everything. I've been obsessing about my weight loss since a few months back cos I think it makes me wayy to scrawny and my face too haggard...now thats a good thing thats come out of this..getting fatter;P

My poor wrists...

I've abused them again and again the past year or so..and they always come back and nip me in the butt.

Well anyway, I didn't update on this, but while jumping into eka pada shirshasana in a led class (my teacher actually told me to work at jumping straight into it!), I pretty much crashed into my left arm, jarred the wrist, and have been suffering some sort of tendinitis since then..about a month now.

So its been month of handicapped ashtanga lately. I tried to get back into the arm balances and jumpbacks after 2 weeks, but it felt too sore to handle it. anyhow I'm now left with stepping back and forth, and just pushing myself up and sitting down for the jumps.

Obviously, without the heat I get from vinyasa, i've been relatively stiff. Since I no longer go to D. no one is giving me new poses. J is too far away to see me consistently. Z teaches everyone en masse...primary and second. So thats the place I'm at progress wise.

I'm hoping that in another 2 weeks, I'd be better cos I'm planning to go down to visit J beginning of next year..

Fat is good...I want it back!!!!

I have pretty low body fat. 2 years back I was around 18%. Now, its probably around mid to low teens. Besides yoga, I don't do much other exercise, I did almost try a triathlon, but gave it up cos I thought it tightened me up too much.

Anyway, now that I don't have much fat, I really want it back..I've been eating quite a bit, and supplementing with fish oil and other stuff to make sure I don't have too little fat in the body, but the fat ends up going to the wrong place..;(

My weight it exactly the same as before, the only difference is that I've managed to replace it with muscle mass..and whatever additional weight I put on ends up where I don't want it (ie the hips). I don't know if this is a natural part of aging, but I suspect that losing too much body fat is NOT a good thing..and I really wish I had not.

Anyway, I'm contemplating cutting down practice more to see if it helps me get back to what I was before, but at the same time, I'd miss my practice so much...I wonder if this is a sign of ashtanga addiction...

Anyhow, this is a strange post I guess, but it is related in part to the physical changes I see taking place in myself (I suspect because of my practice) and I think it does have a place here. Not everyone will have the same problem as me I guess, some of my friends don't seem to lose much weight despite practising like a fiend, but I have a naturally high metabolic rate as well, which compounds the issue.

So yeah, I want my fat back, even if it makes lifting up and arm balancing much harder to do!

Things I wish I'd done sooner...

Recently I've learnt some new face exercises that promise to lift, tone and reshape the face..well..what has all this got to do with practice?? First of all, skeptical as I was at first, face exercises work. Perhaps not as well as plastic surgery or botox (not that I'd know since I've not done any), but yeah..I've managed to see some nice changes in my face..a smoother forehead, firmer jawline, nicer eyes and better shaped lips...subtle..but it sure works.

The concept is similar to exercising any part of the body, work a muscle enough and with resistance..it gets bigger and stronger..or if you want to keep resistance low..at least it increases tone. Thats a concept I'm sold on, because I've seen so much change in my muscle tone and strength in ashtanga (for me anyway).

So I was thinking, how nice if I had understood this way earlier in my practice..I would have been so much stronger if I'd done somethings sooner instead of later. Its been 2 years 2 months since I've started ashtanga..and I now have a list of stuff that I would have done from day one..if I had the chance to start over..

1. Always use the chest and hip extension when working backbends. Don't let the feet splay. Keep the knees pointing forward and feet planted on the ground. Not doing this has caused me quite a lot of lower back and SI discomfort earlier in my practice. Lunges and quad stretches are great for getting further into backbending, its opened up my hips and stretched out my quads a lot.

2. Keep the hands planted on the floor and don't lift them up anytime. Not even in trini..especially not in trini I think. I learnt this from John Scott first and then from J. I think thats one of the first things thats helped me shift weight into the hands to help me with jumpbacks and jump throughs. If I'd learnt this earlier on, I think I'd have learnt the float much sooner rather than later.

3. Spend heaps of time sitting in siddhasana, sukhasana, doing the frog thing (its a torture I think) and doing a janu variation with the straight leg bent and facing inwards to improve leg behind the head. The janu variation thing really works, cause I end up in more or less with one leg just next to the ear or in front of my head just like when doing LBH. I did that for a whole year instead of janu shirshasana, sometimes with a block under the foot to let gravity assist in bending me forward. I think its helped immensely in getting me to the point where I can get the leg behind quite comfortably.

4. Don't jump back by planting the hands in front and hopping back. Put the hands right next to the hips and get through the arms to go backwards. Even if it means it's more a push yourself to stand up and then stepping back. This really was a bad habit I think, and one which I spent almost 1 year doing. It didn't help very much in terms of really learning how to go backwards..it probably helped with some arm strength but thats about it.

5. jump through with crossed legs, right from the start..or at least jump up, cross and sit down behind the hands. And even when landing behind the hands, squeeze through the arms no matter what. This is another thing that I think really helped me build strength. I used to jump through pretty easily with straight legs, but I realise now it seems to use more flexibility in folding forward, hips flexor strength and upper back strength than bandhas..

6. Backbends can wait if you are flexible...for me anyway. Being able to do tonnes of backbending seems to have effect of stretching out all the muscles I need to be strong to do vinyasa properly. Of course its glamorous to be able to put my feet on top of my head, but I think it certainly didn't balance out the front and back of my body..

7. Follow the vinyasa count..and enjoy the breathing. I think it would have made my practice much more enjoyable right from the start...instead of stressing out over getting deeper and further..etc etc.

At the shala..

I was across the causeway the last few days for work and also took some time off for a holiday there. Spent a good deal of money on all sorts of clothes, skin care stuff, yoga tops etc;P

Anyway, I didn't check whether J would be around..I'd assumed that he was, but turns out he was in Mysore..he did come back though 2 days later and so I only got to go for 1 class with him.

Anyhow, there wasn't anything much that he worked on with me..I guess most of the stuff he taught me I already do..just a few things which I'd list later. We did have a rather dramatic time grabbing ankles..which is seriously intense..but doable. He was trying to make me grab without putting my hands down, which was a horrible experience and felt like my shoulder was gonna pop out or something..he said I was much closer when I was hanging back then when I put my hands down. Anyway I told him it was too much, so we worked at walking the hands in. that was alright..but still was intense..jeeezz..apparently my shoulders tend to turn out, I reckon because shoulders were tight so he told me to keep them pointing straight ahead as much as I could.

As for other stuff, well...the last time I went to him, I could get into dwi pada sitting up and then into supta k...but since I've not actually practiced it much at home, I just got into from the floor...he didn't seem to remember that..so he let it pass. Otherwise I though he was picking on all the stuff he never picked on like putting my chin on shin in ardha baddha padmotanasana (which makes me lose my balance), shin to the floor in bhujapidasana (which makes me feel like smashing my face)and telling me not to bend my elbows in my jump backs..

Apparently, unknown to me, I tend to bend my elbows too fast in all my jumpbacks..whether from standing, sitting or even bakasana. He wanted me to jump back into a plank instead of chatturanga. Hmmm...to tell you the truth, I always thought I keep my arms pretty straight...I thought I did keep my arms straight after that, but according to J, I was still bending them...I got to bring back the mirror and look at myself when I practice to know..he said I'd have far more control if I kept my arms straight..sigh..thats what happens when your teacher was a gymnastics coach...he expects us to do gymnastics stuff as well...I'm sure this is one of those gymnastics thingys..not bending the elbows...

OK..I have a confession...I complained to J that he wasn't giving me poses...but to be honest I know he's not supposed to teach beyond primary..but there were people at the shala who practice beyond primary series..so I more or less told him I'd progress myself if he wasn't giving me poses (I know..I'm a greedy, grasping girl hungry for new poses;P) I didn't tell him my other teachers teach me second series though..cos he's been on my case about practising with too many teachers anyway. Anyway my ploy didn't work...J told me instead of asking him to teach me a new pose..he'd rather I go read the sutras...sigh...he's been saying that to me for ages...its VERY frustrating!

Anyway, we also talked baout Mysore..and J asked me when I would be going..so I said I'll go someday..just that I haven't saved up money to do it. I guess I may go someday...

Self practice notes

Had a great practice today and yesterday. I've gotten rid of the mirror that I have in my room that I look at too much most of the time during practice. There is a difference...I can feel it. It makes my practice so much more centred and internal. I think I need to ban mirrors from now on...;)


Due to pure laziness I've been stopping mostly at the end of primary series..I do add in some quad and shoulder stretches and loads of UD to make sure I don't lose my backbends though. Facing kapotasana on a daily basis is a little too much for me to handle..so I skip;P

Instead I've been doing an assortment of crim arm balances like parsva bakasana, koundinyasana etc. I figure it could help my bandhas..who knows.

I've realized something lately about my jumpbacks though..which is pretty close to a revelation to me. Its probably pretty obvious to everyone else, but for the perennially bandha challenged person like me, it was quite a discovery. Now..I've managed on occasion to somehow or other jumpback from sitting. Other times I just lift and swing..hit the floor and then bunny hop back. Recently though, I remembered J said to me to keep pushing the hips upwards even if the feet hit the floor, and I end up almost standing up before hopping back. Well, I've been doing that whenever I get stuck and really lifting the hips and pushing the hands downwards.


So...the past 2 days, I've kinda built some muscle memory into the body to do that under all circumstances..whether my feet hit the floor or not..and I've actually managed to FLOAT my jumpbacks!!! I mean I managed one of those actual floaty ones ala Lino Miele instead of the quick and dirty swing and throw myself backwards variety of jumpbacks...HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT???? I mean I never thought I'd be able to come close...Of course I can only do that once or twice before getting stuck again...but this is a start and I'm really excited!

So I figure that appears to be the answer to my short arms and long torso problem. I've always thought to squeeze myself into as tight a ball as possible to swing through the arms backwards...now I realise if I can get the lift upwards, the length of my arms don't even come into play..its core strength/bandha. So THATS what they are talking about...how come it took me so long to figure it out???

Losing too much weight again..

Thats what I think Ashtanga is doing to me...;(

I'm one of those skinny women who can't seem to put on weight as it is..now I'm losing too much for my liking..

Seems like since I've put in all those jump backs (or my best rendition of them) into practice, I've been putting on bulk in the arms and shoulders and abs...but losing it where it counts;P Now this might be fine if I had much to spare, but the only place I've got some spare meat is in the hips and butt...

I'm now trying to cut down on the vinyasas a bit, and eating like a horse just to see if it helps me bulk up more. I can see the bones sticking out of my ribs and collarbones and shoulders...ewwww...

Well I know, this is not a blog about my how I look and Ashtanga, but its a real bummer for me, and I'm pretty darn vain. I don't see how some people can practice just as much or more than me and still remain quite curvy all over while I'm kinda wasting away...

Recently I had dinner with a whole bunch of people who practice and one of the girls had lost so much weight that she looks positively sickly. I'm really afraid to look like that.

On the other hand, obviously with weight loss, its much easier for me to lift up etc. Yes the jumpbacks have improved, and so have jumping back from tithibasana. I have to admit its fun to lift so high up after bhuja and supta k into titthibasana/bakasana and then jump back. I've seem to have gotten a whole lot better at doing that action.

The other day, my new teacher was trying to get me to jump back from upavista. I don't usually do that exit, cos I always just cross and lift. But he asked me to just press down after urdva upavista konasana and lift up. It was good (by my standards). I got my hips up almost into a handstand!!! but once I pull them back from there into bakasana, I fell out of it... I never thought I could do that though.
It always looked to much anti-gravity for me to pull off.

Everything is a little stiff and weak these few days because its the time of the month and I'm also easing off everything to hopefully not have to look like a walking skeleton.

No progress in any poses...but lots of muscular development in the arms and abs like I said. I can pretty much see my six pack....which to be honest wasn't what I was hoping to achieve...think its a little too much for a woman. I prefer a much softer look...

Fun, fun and more fun...;)

I don't think I've updated this, but I've had a hell of a lot of fun lately at my new practice place...in fact I'm sorta feeling a little guilty thinking that way..

I went to a led second series class...and wow! I did karandavasana!!!! with help obviously from my new teacher, I'm gonna call him Z . I miraculously balanced my pincha in the middle of the room, which I've never been able to do for more than a few seconds at the wall, and actually lotused up my legs!!! I don't know what in the world possessed me. It was like my body was on autopilot, and when Z said jump up, I did that, and when he told me to lotus my legs, I did just that! He did lower me down to karandavasana, which I held pretty well, and then lifted me back up again.

Obviously I'm not at the point in my practice right now to tackle this pose..but its great nonetheless to do it in class. I also managed some rather pathetic attempts at all the headstands...but gosh that was FUN!;) Z also did a round of handstands with me during the surya namaskaras... He just stood in front, told me during trini to bend the knees and lift, and just flipped me up to handstands. What a rush! I can't lift myself right now...but I'm pretty sure I can do it...one day;P

On another note, I did go back to D recently, and he helped me jump into Bakasana B. He helped me a bit with the lowering to arms, but i think I kinda know how to do it now..just need to perhaps be strong enough to slow down my descent.

Its been loads and loads of fun..;)

On the gym ball..

Thats what I've been up to lately...besides practice that is.

I've been rolling on my trusty gym ball;) Its a miracle invention when it comes to strengthening the core, me thinks;)

I haven't been feeling that much work going on in the abs for a while, save for when I crunch myself up to jump back maybe...but this is a different kind of tough..

So lets see, I like to do some variation of plank on the ball, arabesque (sp?) which is when u lift one leg off while balancing the other knee on the ball in some sort of quasi plank pose. Lift up to pike from plank, lift up from some bakasana position into a pike, headstand and move the ball around with one leg...wheeeww...and its super fun and pretty challenging..

I started this a few weeks back and my koundinyasana I and II have improved immensely, I think its all that core stabilization going on from all this. In fact I jumped out of koundinyasana (the twisted one) and that was sooo fun to do..I think the ball must have activated some deep forgotten muscles in me that made arm balancing so much better.

I'm actually starting to enjoy arm balances nowadays..although its really the saddest part of my overall practice. I've always been the bendy girl who can grab my heels and bend in most directions..but can't do much arm balancing..the tables are turning now...hahhaha...and nope, don't feel like I've lost much flexibility except the left shoulder is getting a little tight.

I'm thinking of adding some twists, parsva bakasana variations to my ball regime if I have time, think it'll tone up my obliques;)

3 August 2008 - Led Primary

I went to a new place today. Pretty inspiring. People were obviously seasoned practitioners and I saw some amazingly floaty practices..

My own practice has been a little bit stagnant lately. I'm still at ekapada. My usual mysore class is not on the menu, I suspect for a while cos of some troubles happening at the studio I usually go to. I don't want to go into that issue, as I think its got to do with all the ugly side of business...even if its a yoga business..

I don't think I've made much progress lately, but did manage to tweak the left leg in eka pada shirshasana, cos I tried to get into it without enough warm up. Its alrite now. I have managed lately to lift my hips pretty darn high in titthibasana, and think I owe it to J using his finger to prod my low belly and encouraging me to lift from there. I can't remember when I went to him, think it was the beginning of last month. From there, I managed a rather nice fold back into an arm balance for a second and then go back to chatturanga. Since that time, I've been pretty able to lift the hips, but the folding back part still is a hit and miss.

Jump throughs were getting pretty nice and floaty lately with crossed legs except that I jumped so high that I almost fell over..and since then my body has been holding back and stopping me midpoint and I end up lading not that gracefully. It seems to me relaxation is very key to nice vinyasas.

Jump backs are a still a hit and miss. When I don't think about it, I usually do much better. Occasionally the bandhas kick in own their own and I get a big float back, other times I still end up touching the floor and having to do a major crunch to go back. Nevertheless, they seem to be getting much better. J is right...the less I think, the better the practice..

Teachers...

I have a major gripe...which I've never mentioned here...but feel very much like doing today. Someone mentioned to me that I go to too many different teachers. This person also seemed to think that I will not be able to progress unless I declare myself as so and so's student and stick with one teacher.

I don't know what to say about this. I personally think its very unreasonable to expect me to practice only with one teacher, especially since I live in a place where I have hardly any access to good Ashtanga teachers. Who am I supposed to go to for adjustments, advice and community, if I have to limit myself to only practising with just one teacher??

In a way, I feel almost obliged to comply with this, or risk not being able to move forward in my practice. On the one hand I respect this person who said this to me very much. On the other hand, I am left feeling a little disappointed that I am hearing this from this particular person.

I personally don't care if my teacher is certified/authorized or whatever, as long as I learn something useful from them, I consider them my teacher. And in this case, the only real guru of Ashtanga is Pattabhi Jois and everyone else is simply teaching HIS teachings. So why is there this exclusivity thing going on about who is whose teacher etc etc. If all my teachers have been to Mysore and studied with Guruji, then all they are teaching are his methods, and no one should or can claim that people that they teach can only practice with them and no one else!

I guess being exclusive to one teacher may be the case for someone who has access to many shalas and hops around those different shalas..but I haver NO access...and ANY teacher is better than none...

Sigh..this is putting a dampener on me at the moment..and although I know it will pass, I'm still feeling rather troubled by it right now..

Just the breath..

I've never been that attentive to the breath...but lately, because of my wrist injury, I've had to slow down everything alot..and sometimes even resort to lowering down all the way to the floor and not do chatturanga etc. The wrists are much better now, but these few weeks has been a great opportunity for me to observe my breath.

And surprisingly, I found that I really enjoyed my breathing. I never realised it, even when J pointed it out to me..but my breathing is really pretty smooth, deep, long and even. I noticed it a little after John Scott's workshop, but didn't pay that much attention to it, but now that I've been really counting my vinyasas, there is a huge difference in the way I breathe now and back when I just started.

I think I owe it very much to John teaching me the vinyasa count and counting us through the led classes. Now, I'd practice with his DVD once in a while too, and it really seems to make a lot of difference in the pace and depth and sound of my breath.

I'm talking about this mainly because I'm down with a bout of cold rite now, but I still practiced the last 2 days through my runny nose, and it felt so darn good, like the ujjayi breath was cleaning out my lungs and sinuses. I've been feeling the breath much more recently in my back body, and I feel that it has as much effect of stretching out my back as actually doing an asana.

Another part of ujjayi that is helpful is that when I breathe and not think too much about anything, the practice becomes smooth and very flowing. Almost floating. I didn't feel tired out nor feel strained in the poses...and this was despite getting back into all the chatturangas, vinyasas and arm balances.

One thing I can't seem to get though, is coordinating my breathing with vinyasa. I mean all through the suryas, its very natural. When it comes to jumping through, I always feel wayy stronger jumping on empty, which J told me is definitely a nono. I can jump through on inhales, but the lift is not as strong. I'm not sure if I'm missing something here, but my connection to uddiyana bandha is way stronger when I've just exhaled.

Jumping back, which by the way I think I've kinda figured out (because I did it again!!! yippee!) I lift on inhale and exhale back to chatturanga. That seems to work pretty well though.

About jumpbacks, I did them again yesterday! hehe. Not the floaty variety, but I think the key is to lift to lolasana and then bend the elbows so that the hips lift to counterbalance the head and shoulders, and then my legs just go back without that much strength involved. I know its probably not the best way to jumpback, but for the time being I'm pretty pleased with this discovery;)

Gonna skip practice today cos its ladies holiday and the cold is still pestering me, so will take a rest.